The Bungle Diaries

team photo!

2009-11-30T21:18:00.002Z

this saturday at liecster we will hav a mens 2nds team photo! so pigeon bring ur camera!! and we will do it after match so paul can be ther :)

Green card for reflexs? and pidgeon meet the ball!

2009-11-16T09:09:00.003Z

during the game on saturday scott robinson fell over and banged his knee in just the wrong point triggering his reflex's and extending his leg! his leg slightly caught the ball barely noticable and totally accidentle. the umpire stormed over took out her cards and carded him. :O

at a point in saturdays match dave colcomb asked for the ball and a perfectly executed pass at pace was played to him he failed to meet the ball giving it away! (mansfield flash backs for dave)

goal scorer?

2009-10-24T18:49:00.001+01:00

silver fox afraid of green giant's green giant??

2009-09-28T09:57:00.003+01:00

After a thrilling victory on saturday most of the team went for a victory shower! some sat and watched Ben 'its not an afro' eagles, while some just got stuck in! alan 'the green giant' hillstead, dave 'the pidgeon' colcomb and mat 'the slidetackle' wislon were all bonding in the showers when paul 'the silver fox' halfpenny wondered over to join the celebrations. a short distance from the showers he changed his mind claiming the was no available showers?? altho there was still one shower un-used something scared him away?? was it the team bonding? or was it the green giant's green giant??

<--------------------------------------------------->

who is freddie???

2009-09-25T14:14:00.003+01:00

"Freddie" came to the club not long ago, and made an impression on coach sally 'im down here' davies! He told everyone his name was freddie....... but...... it was discovered on wednesday 23rd september 2009 tht his real name was in fact "alan"?? confusing i know!! why would a man pose as someone else?? THEN on thursday 24th september 2009 his true and very real identity was discovered! he was in fact alan 'The Green Giant' hillstead!! who came to newark to make sure we were all eating our sweetcorn!!

photo evidence--->

Newark Get off to a Flyer

2009-09-08T10:14:00.007+01:00

Captain Halfpenny and vice David Colcomb led out the men's 2's in there first match of the season against local rivals Grantham. According to the official match report the 2's lost captain Halfpenny sometime between the start of the match and halftime, which is very careless. If anyone has seen him please let the club know. He looks a bit like this. Despite it being the first game and misplacing there captain the 2's gelled well and on the whole the play was good throughout. Unfortunately I missed the first goal which was scored by young Ryan Foster but he did describe the goal for me apparently he picked the ball up top of Newark’s D took it down the left skinning 4 Grantham players cut inside where he left the 2 centre backs for dead pirouetted onto his reverse and smashed the ball top right in off the angle (the accuracy of this information cant be confirmed). The second half saw more Newark dominance and a characteristic goal from Pixars very own and a some silky skill and calm finish from 'Son of a Legend' Sam Smith. Grantham did pull one back but the game ended 3-1 and a well deserved win to kick start the season.

On review Coach Davies seemed pleased with the performance especially from those who played 3's last season and also hinted at her new found love of Columba livia domestica.

All Change At The Top For The New Season

2009-08-25T16:15:00.009+01:00

The 09/10 season is fast approaching and the mighty 2's have a new captain at the helm to lead them in their quest for glory. The youthful, lightning quick Paul Halfpenny (this picture is an artists impression and is not an actual photo of Paul although i have been told it is remarkably accurate, thanks Sally.) has taken the rains and will be looking for a solid start in the 2's first friendly against Grantham on the 5th September.

The Return of the King

2009-03-19T09:10:00.005Z

The eagerly anticipated return of His Majesty King Arran Augustus Baldy Shrek Coggan the 1st was a big boost to a side much depleted due to a rigorous restructuring program instigated by the men's 1st XI which had seen the 2s lose there last 3 matches.

Newark finally returned to winning ways with a 3:1 win at home against a Derby side much improved from there first meeting earlier in the season but still laking that final finish. The match was not played at a great pace and it was a close game throughout. Newark took the lead thanks to a calm finish from Adam Reynolds however Derby replied quickly and the scores where level going into the break. Both teams wasted numerous chances and Newark in particular wasted alot of possession. After a stern team talk at halftime from coach Davies and one or two pearls of wisdom from abdicated King Arran, Newark still continued to give the ball away. In contrast to the first half however Newark switched the radar back on and thanks to Mark Wheeler took the lead. A third goal came from Cameo Coggan to wrap up the win. Much of the victory however was down to a great defensive performance from John Clarkson who although left exposed alot of the time managed to keep Goalkeeper Brian from having to make too many saves.

With only 2 games remaining lets hope we can finish strong.

50/50

2009-02-25T09:48:00.003Z

Newark managed one win out of the weekends two matches which is enough to move into 4th place. Getting two teams out was always going to be a struggle but Saturdays match Vs Northampton started well and Newark took a 2:0 lead at half time. Another goal came just after the break courtesy of Sam Smith which was to prove crucial as Northampton piled on the pressure with two quick replies leaving Newark to hang on to win 3:2. A good win in the end but Newark made a match that should have been relatively easy look like a struggle.

The second match of the weekend saw Newark send a side missing no fewer than 8 regular 2s players and probably the youngest side (Excluding Paul. I was going to say Paul and Ace but we all know ace is young at heart) ever put out by the 2's, to play Leicester Westligh. Although Leicester dominated for most of the match Newark took the lead and by half time the score was 1:1. Unfortunately Newarks lack of experience on the pitch showed and Leicester scored 4 in the second half to end the match 5:2 winners. The match was a good eye opener for those young players who have had little or no experience playing for the 2s and with one or two more regular players available the result would of looked very different.

A Fantastic 5 For the Bare 11

2009-02-15T11:39:00.006Z

After losing 4 players to the first team the remaining 11 put 5 past a Nuneaton side who where all but out of the game in the first 20 minuets. Newarks first goal came after just 20 seconds with some great work down the right flank from Steve Littlewood and a simple finish from man of the match Robbin Lowth. (by the way Robbin due to your MOM performance you owe another £2 in fines). Newark scored regularly throughout the first, another from Lowth and one a piece for Sam Smith, Steve Littlewood and 3rd XI Captain Danny Hendrie. With 5 goals in the first the second half was always going to be a bit of an anti climax. The second half was all about keeping it tight and stout defending by John Clarkson, Adrian Smith, Matt Wilson and Captain Craig Joynes saw that the Newark goal was untroubled throughout. More goals looked likely but the forward pare of Lowth and Super Striker Martin 'Cripple' Knox could not find the finishing touches that had been abundant in the first half. This result could potentially put Newark up to 3rd in the table.

The weekend of the 21st and 22nd will see the 2's have 2 games against Leicester and Northampton. So can all players let captains know there availabilities ASAP.

Hatrick of Wins

2009-02-02T11:19:00.006Z

Newark came through a hard fought match to complete a well deserved treble over close table rivals Kettering. Newark took the spoils in all three contests this season winning by the old goal in all the matches. It was good to see the majority of the Kettering players understood how tough the matches had been and where willing to shake the hands of the victors at the end of the last match. However it was spoilt a little by one or two primadonas in the Kettering team who's unsporting conduct saw them refuse to shake the Newark captains hand (There is always someone who is delusional and thinks they are better than the rest).

Newark's win came thanks to 2 goals from Matt Hammond and a well placed shot from Paul Halfpenny nutmegging at least 3 Kettering players. Newark also had to thank keeper Brian Morris for some good saves, Adrian Smith for a goal line clearance and the Kettering strikers who where unable to put away a host of chances.

Ladies 2's Disqulaified after Vote Rigging Scandal

2009-01-29T13:59:00.010Z

The pole watchdog Offpole have been called in to investigate how the ladies 2's managed to rig the latest pole (Which is the best team in the club?). The pole saw a massive 20 votes in favour of the ladies 2's which gave them a 14 vote lead over the heavily favored Men's 2's. After a re-count by "Independent" Adjudicator Bungle The Bear it was found that 17 of the votes for the ladies 2's where invalid. A statement released said "The votes where cast by person/persons who where obviously delusional and not of sound mind. The Winners then after a re-count are the Men's 2's.

Theft Causes cancellation of Match

2009-01-22T16:08:00.006Z

The theft of 7 men's 2's players means that the mid season friendly against Jaguar Coventry will now not go ahead. Sources have indicated that the culprits might be the men's 1's but the investigation is still ongoing. Other leads have indicated that the missing players have been sold to a Dubai billionaire to raise funds for the club and possible Alien abduction.

Christmas Break Slows Newark's Momentum

2009-01-04T20:15:00.006Z

Well the first game back after the Christmas break proved to be a disappointing one. The 2s took on Barton a team who before the match where a point below Newark in the table. Without arguably there two most influential players (Knox and Lowth) Newark struggled in the first half to keep up with a Barton side that had a good mix of youth and Experience. Barton created a host of chances but where denied by an on form Morris in goal. The keeper pulled of a host of saves to keep the home side out. It would be fare to say that Barton deserved a goal in the first half but when it came it was a gift from the umpire who controversially allowed an above the back bored shot from a short corner to stand. When asked why he had allowed the goal the umpires response was "It was a flick" well if that was i flick then the Pope is in fact a Muslim. The half time whistle came and with inspiration taken from a Stern Davies team talk Newark where vastly improved in the second half and dominated early. However the luck they needed to compliment there build up play deserted them. 15 mins in to the second half an aerial clearance from Hammond which would easily of found the ball fly deep into the opposition half hit the wire that supported the pitch divider and fell to a Barton forward who caught Newark on the break and the ball found its way into the back of the net. At 2-0 down Newark looked out of it but continued to rally and eventually found a goal from Smith, which on there second half display was much deserved. This gave Newark the impetus to continue pressing but it was not to be at 2-1 a Hammond struck short corner went inches past the post only needing the slightest of touches from Captain Joynes at the near post, but he was too slow to react. The final nail came when a quick break from Barton found there striker one on one with the keeper and a powerful strike found the top corner to give Barton the game.

In Summary Newark started poor (the organisation brought by Knox at the back and the tenacity of Lowth up front where clearly missing), however got it together in the second half. Poor umpiring cost the first goal but Barton probably deserved the lead at the break. Lack of luck and a strategically placed wire cost Newark the second goal but the third goal was piece of magic from the Barton forward. On another day Newark would have come back to gain a point but unfortunately it was not to be. Barton finished deserved winners. 3-1

Merry Christmas

2008-12-17T22:08:00.002Z

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all

Sponge Bob for Club Captain

2008-12-15T15:41:00.006Z

The results for this weeks poll are in. The new men's club captain is

44%
33%
11%

Simon Sloan 11%

However due to the Newark Hockey Club random reality test it was found that all but one of the candidates ARE NOT REAL ! So by default with 100% of the votes the new club captain is Simon Sloan.

Half Term Report

2008-12-12T10:35:00.011Z

Well Christmas is coming and undoubtedly the Hockey player will be getting fat, so its a good job we have had a good first half to the season. (This however does not mean we should get complacent come the second half).

The final game before the Christmas break saw a fantastic performance Vs Boots. Before the start of the game Newark where expecting chances to be few a far between, this however turned out not to be the case. Come the final whistle Newark ended up slightly disappointed only to get a point out of the team who where lying in second place. Newark dominated most of the game with a host of chances and where by far the better team on the day. In review a very impressive performance which reflected the season so far (Lets keep it up).

Some stats from the first half of the season

Goals Scored (In League): 21
Goals Against: 20

Top Goal Scorer: with 7
Number of romantic breaks to Rome: 0
Number of times Sally has Shouted Pivot: (Not Enough)
Total Number of players used: 26 (Including Friendlies)
Biggest Win (League): 4-1 Vs Derby Asterdale
Biggest Win (Friendly) 7-1 Vs Coalville
Player who has been fined the most: Alex (£21.62)
Number of new members born this season: 1 (Congratulations to the Littlewood's)
Number of Thai brides: 1
Highest Bowling Score: Simon Sloan 153

Reliant Robbin

2008-12-08T16:18:00.008Z

Newark had to rely on a goal from Lowth 5 minuets from the end to secure all 3 points, in a game they should of easily won but made a bit of a meal of.

The first half is best forgotten but after Coach Sally Pivot Davies unleashed her pent up anger at halftime and stand in captain Lowth started his team talk before the half time whistle was even blown, Newark began to play the kind of hockey they are good at. It took a matter of seconds for them to restore parity with a well worked goal finished of by now debt free Alex Davies (Lucky for Sally the club didn't have to send the heavies round for payment). The winner from Lowth came close to the end much to the relief of the captain and coach alike.

Final Score 3:2

Goals From:
Sam 1
Alex 1
1

Pressure on Boy Wounder to bag more goals

2008-12-05T17:30:00.010Z

The results are in and the player most likely to score the most goals during the season is................................................

35%

Nathan 21%
Adam 14%

Simon 14% (Voted for yourself twice i see Simon)

Matt 14%

This ones for Arran

2008-12-05T09:17:00.006Z

I would like to apologise for my no show on Saturday and missing Newark's spanking of Derby but i was busy helping Histion FC in there preparation for there clash with dirty Leeds sorry mighty Leeds. I take full credit for there performance and just wanted to add Leeds are rubbish.

(If Arran reads this, the comments above are that of Bungle and are in no way linked to the views of present captain Craig, however Craig did say it made him smile to picture Arran sat watching the game in a pub on a big screen crying into his pint or creme-de-month or whatever he drinks now days, finally realising the conference is calling.)

The Zippy Diary

2008-12-03T19:06:00.007Z

Well Bungle was left crying into his pukka pie after Newark easily saw off Derby Asterdale on Saturday. Bungle unfortunately was not around to see Newark all but wrap the game up by half time. Derby did create a lot of chances but where wasteful to say the least and the game finished 4:1 in Newark's favour

Goals for Newark came form:
Matt 2
Steve 1
Robbin 1

In other news:

The two umpires from the match have been asked to umpire upcoming internationals (or perhaps not)

Alex has had to re-mortgage his mums house to pay of his fines

for letting in a goal Newark keeper Brian has had his left index finger removed with a rusty razor

Newark may need ice skates this Saturday as freezing temperatures and snow are predicted for Newark's penultimate match before the Christmas break.

And

Unfortunately Matt wont be available for Newark's forthcoming match against Derwent as his Thia bride Ting Ting is whisking him off to the ballet, opera or High School Musical (well something like that)

And The Winner is...................?

2008-11-26T17:28:00.010Z

The Winner of the biggest legened Award goes to

With 56% of the Votes

Martin 25%

Simon 12%

Steve 6%

Appologies From Bungle

2008-11-25T09:11:00.003Z

"Bungle here, unfortunately due to my association with our next opponents i will be unable to comment on the forthcoming match. I will be handing over to my good friend Zippy".

Important information about Zippy

Born 1972 Age: 36

What does he know about hockey? Nothing

Friends:

George (The gay one)

Bungle (The tall fat one)

Zippy has just come out of rehab where he was being treated for a serious crack addiction, those long hours on the set of rainbow really took it out of him.

After being sued by Sheikh Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa, strapped for cash Michael Jackson is rumoured to be lining up Zippy to duet on his next album, however Zippy is denying the story saying he is committed to the Men's 2's for at least the next week but after that it is a possibility.

Newark Get Early Christmas Present

2008-11-24T17:08:00.003Z

You could have easily made the mistake of thinking South Notts had Father Christmas at the heart of their defence as their Center back seemed intent on showering Newark with gifts. Gifts which Newark took full advantage of. A 3:1 Victory with a goal from Adam Reynolds and two from Nathan Wakeland. A result that was well deserved, due to a fantastic all round display.

And Alex you now owe £13 pounds in fines!

Good Showing at Sports Awards

2008-11-19T09:44:00.003Z

Newark HC was well represented at the 2008 Newark and Sherwood Sports Review.

Congratulations go to Newark Hockey Club Otters and Beavers under-13 girls team who were crowned Junior Sports team of the year after there victory in the county championships.

The Senior Team of the year saw the mighty men's 2's come up against the ladies 2's and a bunch of fat men who like to play with there misshapen balls (Newark Rugby Club Men's 1st XV). Unfortunately the fat men won but fantastic to see 2 teams from Newark HC in contention.

Boy Wounder leads Goals list

2008-11-13T14:45:00.004Z

After 6 Competitive Matches The Top Goal Scorers are:

1st

2nd Steve

3rd Martin, Matt H, Gregg, Hendrie, Sam, Nathan

MORE GOALS NEEDED !!!

Newark Silence Roaring Lions

2008-11-10T13:57:00.010Z

Lets see how many Lion puns i can get into this.

Saturday 8th November saw the visit of Northampton Lions to the zoo that is the Magnus Sports Center. Northampton got off to a roaring start overwhelming there pray who started the match like wounded gazelle. This led to a 3:1 lead going into the break. With Craig away on his How to add up using a calculator course. The half time team talk was left to the far more inspirational Lowth the result saw Newark produce the Lion hearted spirit that they lacked in the first half and like Richard I on one of his crusade Newark clawed through the oppositions defence to bring the math back to 3:3, leaving Northampton licking their wounds.

The goals came from stand in captain Robbin Lowth, Sam Smith and Matt 'Bangkok chick boy' Hammond who was also named man of the match. "I hear Matt has dedicated his performance to the crack team of lawyers the club paid to get him released from a Thia prison that he had found himself incarcerated in after what can only be described as unknown misdemeanors while on holiday. All i know is it involved straws a bucket and a rather well endowed blond girl (or at least that's what he thought).

THE SEASON SO FAR

2008-11-07T10:48:00.007Z

On my return to Newark i was shocked to see that our mighty captain Arran had morphed from a short "big boned" (That means fat) fella to a blond haired lanky Edwin Van Der Saar looking character. I was relieved to hear that the club had not wasted all its money on cosmetic surgery but Arran had in fact decided to pass the mantel on to Craig. Craig's reign started well and with the captains arm band came Craig's first goal for Newark in 6 years scoring the first of 7 goals in a annihilation of Coalvile. The remaining friendlies saw Newark keep up last seasons good form with wins against Belper and Loughborough Town and a draw against North Notts, despite one of the North Notts Players taking exception to our new captain and trying to decapitate his left leg.

The first competitive game was against Kettering in the cup. With 5 minuets to go it looked bleak for Newark trailing 1-0 until Gregg Wines cracked home the equaliser from the top of the D to force the game into golden goal extra time (He may be rubbish at getting umpires but he can play hockey). Extra time only lasted 2 minuets as the caped crusaders sidekick stepped up to strike home a short corner. This delighted Newark mainly because it saw the Kettering captain burst into a flood of tears (boo who, cry me a river).

After the excitement of the cup came the eagerly awaited first league match. Sally(Pivot)Davies gave an inspirational team talk(blah blah blah PIVOT blah blah blah PIVOT blah blah blah) and the game began at a fast pace. While batman was away Simon Sloan and teamed up to score a fantastic goal to open the scoring. Both teams played hard but unfortunately after Craig got a blow to the head and had to come off (Little Pansy). The game ended in a 2-2 draw.

The following weeks saw back to back victories against Kettering (No tears this time, shame) and Leicester Westleigh. The only blot on the season so far is a 4-0 defeat to Nuneaton and a close contests against West Bridgford in the cup second round (best not divulge the score on that one).

Well that's it for now more next week.

BUNGLE IS BACK

2008-11-06T15:51:00.006Z

BUNGLE IS BACK

Im back! Firstly I would like to apologise for the lack of activity on the blog over these last few months I has been very busy running Barack Obama's Presidential campaign. Now that it is all over I can return to the far more important matter of reporting on the Mighty Men's 2nd's.

Pre Season News

2008-08-30T09:04:00.002+01:00

Captaincy
After much debate I have decided to step down as captain and will also not be playing full-time for this season. The main reason is that I want to spend more time with my little girl who is growing up too fast and I'm missing out. Craig has indicated that he might be willing to take on the captaincy but in true democracy style, the position is open to anyone and nominations are required. Glynn will want to speak to the team on Wednesday night to try and sort out as soon as possible.

Registration
Registration takes place on Wed, 3rd September, as follows:- Men 7.00-8.30pm- Ladies 8.30pm-10.00pm. Forms were distributed at training on Wed 27th Aug, or a blank form can be downloaded from the 'Club' page.

Sponsorship Appeal
Jason is running a marathon on 7th September to raise money for the child victims of the Sichuan earthquake. If you want to donate please contact Jason.

Pre Season is upon us!

2008-05-26T22:45:00.002+01:00

Summer Training
7.30pm - 9.30pm, 4th June and 11th June.
7.00pm - 9.00pm, 18th June – 6th August
Cost: £5 adults, £3 juniors
Sessions consist of one hour of fitness with Gary West, followed by one hour of friendly mixed hockey.
Winter training commences 13th August, 7.00 – 8.30pm Ladies, 8.30pm – 10.00pm Men.

Tournaments
Please see the Competitions page on the website for details and contact Matt Orridge if you are interested in playing. Please also let Matt know if you are willing to help with organisation or refreshments at the Newark Hockey Club tournament on the 14th June.

www.newarkhockeyclub.co.uk

Champions & a baby!

2008-03-17T21:57:00.003Z

Well we did it. We are champions. Well played and well deserved. It has been a fine season and we have all worked our hardest to play for each other and the camadrie has been fantastic on and off the field.

And to add to the celebrations Mr & Mrs Martyn Knox have welcomed their daughter into the world today. Mother and baby are doing well. I would like to pass on the teams best wishes to the Knox family and thank Mrs Knox for holding in the baby until AFTER the final game!!!

Keep watching the blog later in the wek for a special review of the season and a review of each player by yours truly!!

Promoted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-10T20:46:00.002Z

Sorry guys. It's been too long since the last post.

So...we've been promoted. Not bad record and everyone involved should pat themselves on the back. Hockey is a team game and we've played it as a team rather than individuals. But the season isn't over. One more push for the championship and then let the celebrations begin!

I think everyone needs to bring lots of money for the final game as the bar has been set for fines! Once again one more push and we'll be having the end of season party in Monaco. And don't forget that we're having a few sherberts on Saturday afternoon/evening.

Also don't forget to bring £25 for the end of the season party on 26th April. See Craig for tickets. That date is also the AGM and the intra-club mixed 7-aside tournament.

Stiffen those sinews!

2008-02-24T20:51:00.003Z

So despite the skeptisim the Shakespeare inspired rallying call worked! And although Mr Hammond's response was "It's just another game!", I got a better response from Mr Lowth "Whetting thy trusty blade as we speak my liege". That's the spirit!

3-2 over the students! It was a fantastic game, end to end with chances here and there and ww all worked together to make it happen and the energy was there even though the team had 2 games last weekend and no training this week!

So...we are at the sharp end of the season. On paper we have an easier run in but all three teams won't care about that. We still need to come training and need to work hard to ensure we take the spoils of war!

Oh and Scott. Listen more carefully next time!

Top of the Table Clash

2008-02-17T22:20:00.003Z

Well done boys you got all 6 points from two away trips to Derbyshire. Nothing less than the team deserves. Now all that remains is a top of the table clash with Leicester Uni next week.

The title is there to be to won. Leic Uni have us, Grantam, Derby Asterdale and Ashby the final games whilst we, after Leic Uni have Ramgarhia Rolls Royce and Grantham.

Fat Fingers

2008-02-13T22:30:00.002Z

Someone somewhere obviously has fingers too big for the keyboard. The result for Leic Uni v Ramgarhia has been switched, it was a 6-1 win to Leic Uni NOT the other way around. We thought it was too good to be true!!

Good luck on Sat & Sun boys, I'm with you in spirit.

Quality Depth

2008-02-10T09:58:00.000Z

A great TEAM performance yesterday. Alex and Danny came in and played well and Sally was right when she said that we focused too much on players that were missing and not enough on the quality depth that the club has.

2 games this weekend coming so we need as many players available as possible, so it makes sense that I book a trip to see friends down London way!! SO unfortunately Scott will be in charge and I'll no doubt be suitably fined for that on my return!!

A good debut for Littewood and he could have scored but thanks to Jon he didn't. We can't be seem to let players come into the team and score goals in their first game. Next we'll be letting players get and stay in the team just because the coach is their lover/partner/mother!!!

Back to the Hockey!

2008-01-24T20:33:00.000Z

It's been a while since the last post but it's time to concentrate on the hockey! A break week for Soar Valley's withdrawal and we get back into the swing of things.

Last match people were asking about the number of goals scored and the scorers, so see below for a quick update. Hopefully we can add a few more at the weekend!

Comment from Andy Taylor

2008-01-12T09:47:00.000Z

This comment below was made on the post below. Rather than hiding it there, I thought I would give everyone a chance to read it, out in the open. The comments made in this blog, as stated on the club's website, are an individual's (yes me fatty Coggan), and not indicative of the club's stance.

"Evening from Bungle the Bear – Andy Taylor - No hiding my identity like others!

So yes as you can see I chose not to go to the Christmas Party - it made it much easier for others to make their snide and cowardly comments with myself not being around, although to publish them is a little embarrassing for all concerned including and especially the club and the originator.

I did ask for these unfounded and pathetic comments to be removed, but with the deadline now past for my request I am posting this response as I promised.

So I was only good for carrying water bottles etc hey hmmmmm lets look at that 1st shall we.

Unlike others (possibly the originator in particular) I have a more than proven track record in this sport with League titles and trophies in abundance, at a conservative estimate around 20-25 at all levels of the sport, even being asked to become National League Manager (3 years) and becoming Honarary Life Vice President of 2 clubs, but I am sure that fades into insignificance alongside the achievements of those who choose to comment on me?

I’m off screwing up another team too apparently, lets look at that.

So far after coaching and managing the Ladies and Mens 1st XI’s of my new club lets see what we have achieved since my arrival. Not all down to me but my influence is being felt in the improved results all round.

In total: PLD 12 Won 11 Drawn 0 Lost 1 F:49 A:7

Mens 1st XI 2nd in East Midlands 2 League
Ladies Top of Derbyshire League both indoor and out.

Maybe your judgment is correct, looks like the record of an absolute screw-up, you are obviously a good judge of ability.

The short term memory of certain individuals is very convenient for them. I am sure that from joining Newark 2 seasons ago the club has gone backwards hasn’t it? No new quality players attracted - well maybe 5 or 6!No new coaches - well perhaps 3 or 4.

No team development – oh except the introduction of a Mens 3rd XI

The club is obviously in its worst state for years – or perhaps not!

My heart and sole went into this club for 2 years promoting it in a way that no-one has done before. If this is the opinion of the membership then perhaps I made the correct decision to leave, but I do understand that there are still a large core that think otherwise and I thank them for their support and understanding.

Hockey has been a major part of my life for over 30 years and it now feels wonderful to be enjoying it once again.

I wish the club all the Best for the rest of this season and assure you I will be seeing you all soon.

Andy Taylor"

Rainbow

2008-01-10T19:54:00.000Z

Well thanks to the forfeit last night a rainbow shone over the pitch last night and in darkness aswell. I think it was made by the sun shining out of Robbie's a*se as his white cheeks wobbled across the pitch and the light bouncing off mine, Martyn's and Matt's heads!!

We had a loud mouthed Zippy, a pink gay-acting George and I'm pretty sure Rod, Jane and Freddy were training down the bottom end singing away. The only person missing was Bungle!

Merry Christmas one and all!

2007-12-22T20:56:00.000Z

Top of the league at Christmas. If anyone had offered me that at the beginning of the season I would have snapped their hands off. It's a great place to be and we've got the opportunity to still be there at the end of the season.

From captain and coach, we hope that you all have a fabulous Christmas and New Year. Keep safe and well. Training restarts 2nd january 2008 (weather dependent!!) and the first league match is 12th Jan, hopefully we'll have a match on 5th Jan.

Jason - don't have too many mince pies!!

Dunkirk spirit & Bungle the Bear

2007-12-17T20:04:00.000Z

Bungle the Bear wasn't pitch side unfortunately...but he did manage to make an appearance at the Club's Christmas party supping some girlie drink - as can be seen by the photo.

He was overheard regaling Alex with his exploits and Alex was so overwhelmed he became all blury!

Looks like we have another sicknote. Ben was seen dancing on the dance floor (where else?!) and I'm sure he spent much of the game hobbling up and down the side line screaming like a girl...with Alex!

PIVOT!!!

The match report will be up soon (apologies to all those desperate to read it!). In the meantime, have a look at Derby Asterdale's website and the match report. Nice to read someone else's take on the match which isn't too biased -

http://derbyasterdalehc.forumotion.com/match-reports-f1/mens-2nds-v-newark-t51.htm

The spirit to come back from 3-nil down was pretty amazing. I personally didn't like playing, just couldn't get in to it, but thankfully there were 13 other players that did. The spirit split over a bit (Mr Wilson!) but that's not a bad thing (I'd be saying something different if we had conceded whilst down to 10 men, I'm sure!) and that spirit helped us rob Asterdale of all 3 points, and to be fair a decent result considering.

Disturbing!

2007-12-10T22:49:00.000Z

Don't forget to read the post below, which is the email from the Parking Attendant. Robin has submitted a claim for his fines refunded...small problem we already spent them bowling on Saturday!!

Talking of which, Saturday was a good night and thanks for everyone turning up to celebrate being top of the table at the halfway point. The only problem is this photo....which Jazz Hands sent me as I walking home. I immediately turned around and headed towards Jon's house!!

An apology from the Grantham umpire

2007-12-09T20:41:00.000Z

A very rare occurrence but this email was received through Susan Tate. I think Gavin is Paul and obviously Scott did more than we thought he did to get his name remembered!!

Hi Susan,

My name is Kevin Martin and I umpired Newark Men's 2 nd X1 against Grantham 2nds yesterday.

Could I ask you to pass on my apologies to I think the player called Gavin who plays for the 2nds. There was some dispute during the match about myself not awarding a goal (albeit an own goal) to Newark. I actually green carded the player for the strength of his protest!

Having re read the rules I admit the goal should have stood, as the final score was 6-0 to Newark it is not so bad. That said I did say after the match I would apologise if I was wrong, so please pass on this message to Gavin (and the 2nds captain on the day (Scott).

I am trying to find out when they changed the rule to allow 'own goals' when there had not been an 'attempt' on goal even though an attacker touched the ball inside the d.

regards and thanks

Kevin Martin

Team Selection

2007-12-06T19:53:00.000Z

We had a masive headache this week at training - 17 quality players to select from and only 12 players needed. So we had to choose those players that had come to training. Harsh but something we've tried to stick to all season.

Next week we play Derby Asterdale and we need to ensure that everyone makes a big effort to come to training and then we can select the best team possible.

A few notices!

2007-12-03T20:28:00.000Z

JASON - Jason has a rash, if any one can help please see him directly.

BOWLING - This Saturday (8th Dec) from 8pm. A chance to let off some steam on the bowling alley and spend those fines!! Those that have paid more have more shots. Those players that have paid less fines will have to sit and watch the rest of us play. I knew there was a reason to keep getting fined heavily!! ;)

CLUB XMAS PARTY - Sat 15th from 7.30pm. Tickets available from your illustrious Captain. £7.50 adults £5.00 juniors. Karaoke, food, disco and lots of fun!!

Derby Asterdale drew 1-1 with Leicester Uni at the weekend. DA are obviously a very different team to that which we beat 9-2 at the beginning of the season. They have done really well and we'll have to be on top of our game to get the result we want.

Coach in Shock Rumour!

2007-11-25T16:41:00.000Z

Our coach Sally Davies was spending a weekend in Rome. It's a pity she was away from her partner considering Rome is known as the City of Love.

However, it transpires that Davies wasn't alone in the city of Jason "Come on NEWARK!!" Feehily was also in Rome.

Rumurs abound and when confronted over text message Feehily had this to say "I'll let her know when she gets out of the shower".

The second team is in shock over these wild rumours, they can not believe that Davies could stoop so low!! At least Feehily is guaranteed a starting place next week.

Team Play

2007-11-19T20:54:00.000Z

Don't worry the title of "Team Play" doesn't mean having a shower with 'Jazz Hands' Yearsley!

We've always said from the beginning of the season that as long as the team plays well and...like a team...it doesn't matter about the result. The team play, calling, passing and running for each other is getting better and better each week.

We've still lost only one league game and are still in the hunt for promotion. The bottom three teams now await us in out next three games....so plenty of opportunity to wipe this weeks defeat from out minds.

Joshua 10:25

2007-11-13T20:51:00.000Z

And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies against whom ye fight.

I'm not a particularly religious person but this quote is relevant this week. Top of the table clash this week and we're the team on top. We're the ones in the stronger position. WE are the team to beat.

Plus with Jazz Hands passing the ball in the opposite direction to which everyone keeps asking it for, then at the very least we'll just confuse our opposition!!

Badgers spread TB...and score goals!

2007-11-04T18:00:00.000Z

According to the government's chief scientific adviser, badgers should be culled to stop the spread of bovine TB. Well not ours!!

The only thing our badger spread was the ball and Worksop's defence!

So we remain at the top of the table, despite Soar Valley's withdrawal from the league, and despite our failings when it comes to directions. The next away match is Leicester Uni and I got lost going there last year. It's a good job I might be away that weekend!

PS I knew I shouldn't have had that pizza last night. The cheese must have influenced my dreams cause at one stage I was driving down the motorway and a badger (one of the black and white ones!) raised his paw and said 'hello'.

Sausages, A Hat Trick & Lurch

2007-10-28T20:08:00.000Z

We tried to cheat this week by having two goalkeepers...but they ended up not in the same goal. Which was a shame but possibly a good way to keep the goal difference in the positive!!

Our FORMER captain Knoxy has been offering his deep-fried sausage to another team mate's wife!! Luckily she declined, otherwise the THIRD Knox offspring might have been on its way!

The Sloan Machine was in full action at the weekend but he couldn't gain a third MoM award. Instead it was left to three goal hero Martin...no Martyn....Knox, who put in a FORMER captain's performance.

We have another celebrity in the team...Lurch from The Adamms Family turned up on Saturday and lurched around the pitch. And then put in another game for the 3s too!

Oh by the way Matt R...YES you were sh*t! Oh by the way again, Leeds won and are now ABOVE Forest and in a play-off spot!

2007-10-27T22:13:00.000+01:00

What a fine motley crew we are eh??

The fairytale ends for some....but the Mighty 2s roll on

2007-10-21T21:32:00.000+01:00

Lewis Hamilton's fairytale season came to end, he was sooooo close. The old farts...I mean the England rugby team's fairytale also finally came. It was a brave effort....and DEFINITELY a try, Mr Fourth Official!

Talking of dodgy officiating...hhmmmm maybe we shouldn't. Let's just leave it as dodgy and at least our 5 goals outweighed the efforts of their "twelfth man".

The Mighty 2s continue to roll on. We have to keep the pressure on the teams at the top of the table and 4 wins from 4, we can't ask for anymore than that!

Now can someone PLEASE tell me how to get out of Corby, I'm still here driving around with Jason in the back seat and he's starting to get hungry!!!!!

Plastic or grass

2007-10-18T19:45:00.000+01:00

Your illustrious captain started playing hockey when he was 13 years old. It was on grass and we played the 2-3-5 formation (that's 5 upfront!!) and there was even offside. OFFSIDE? I hear you say. Yes that's right, you were offside in a similiar way to offside in football but only in the opposition's 22.

And the green stuff we played on was called grass. Sometimes very muddy and always very bouncy! Nowadays we play on the artificial stuff and the game of hockey has adapted very well to it.

So if a bunch of blokes that come together, pay for the privelege and have a lot of fun and win games, I'm pretty sure that 11 overpaid nancy boys can do it too. They have ALL played on artificial pitches before as practically all the top clubs have one of these new generation pitches that look like grass, feel like grass but are plastic.

Let's hope we have a bit more faith in ourselves to win away on a plastic pitch than England did on Wednesday night!!

Only two things are certain in life...taxes and Death!

2007-10-12T21:42:00.000+01:00

Did you see Death on the pitches last week?

At least I think it was Death. He was a large bloke, but he was all dressed in white which was confusing. He was running up and down the pitch shouting "Come on Newark!!" which was also confusing.

But in my eyes it must have been Death as he had a large scythe and was cutting down anything in his path.......sticks, legs and green cards!!

Proud to be English!!

2007-10-08T20:47:00.000+01:00

What a great weekend of sport it was!! And it all started thanks to the Mighty 2s!

Following our victory, secret footage of our victory over Ashby was rushed over to the England Rugby camp and look what happened! It was then emailed over to the cricket team in Sri Lanka, and Nottinghamshire star Graeme Swann took heart from Craig "Mop Head" Barnfield's man of the match performance and took 4-34 and hit 25 runs to set England up for victory.

THEN Amir Khan watched it and won in the 4th round, James Toseland saw it before winning the World Superbike championship and Nick Matthew produced a devastating display to win the final of the US Squash Open!!

AND all because...........the lady loves milk tray....sorry I mean all because they took inspiration from our stirling performance on Saturady. Well done!!

Coach of the Month

2007-10-05T10:02:00.000+01:00

Leeds United's manager Dennis "Nookie Bear" Wise has won Manager of the Month for the second successive time. I think we should make up our own award - Coach of the Month. Nominations are Sally Davies. And the winner of September's Coach of the Month goes to....... (wait for it) .................... (is the suspense killing you yet?) ........................................ Sally "I change the colour of my hair weekly" Davies.

5 games & 4 wins with 25 goals scored & 7 conceded. Not bad at all and a great start to the season. Well done chaps and long may it continue.

And for those of you interested Leeds have played 9, won 8 and drawn 1 scoring 18 goals and only conceding 4. Long may it continue also!! Marching on together.......And rightfully should be 6 points clear at the top of the table!

PS We're top of the table too!!

9 of the best!

2007-09-30T19:22:00.000+01:00

What an all round team performance yesterday!! The unselfishness of players to pass the ball around rather than going for the glory was a pleasing sight.

Depending on what side of the fence you sit on, Jason "Come on NEWARK!" Feehily should be fined or rewarded for nearly taking Shrek's head off whilst allegedly shooting at goal!!

Martyn "I think I'm still Captain" Knox didn't know where he was playing for the first 10 minutes and obviously thought centre-back was new position between the midfielders and the strikers! THEN tried to start a drum roll for the man of the match votes...someone still thinks he's in charge!

The other positive notes are Jazz Hands turning into Sloan Machine No.2 and Sicknote....actually lasting the full game and then making up the numbers for the 3rd team and playing another FULL GAME!! Pass me the oxygen, I can't breathe!

And finally it would be wrong of me not to mention the gentle green giant Shrek running around and SCORING A HAT TRICK!! 3 goals, count them...one...two...three!! But the second one was out of this world, luckily there weren't any dodgy Russian linemen around!

Jazz Hands the only bright spot!

2007-09-24T19:28:00.000+01:00

Beeston youngsters ran up a 2-nil win over Newark 2s as Shrek aka The Hulk turned green with anger after some dodgy umpiring from the Treasurer! This strange call for a 5 minute break for our illustrious leader came even though his subs are all paid up!!

It was a secret ploy to make the team work harder with only 10 men and get used to the fact that it will happen every other week!!

The only bright spot, despite being late, was John "Jazz Hands" Yearsley who bightened up the day with...wait for it....his jazz hands. Which earnt him several fines!

League matches start next weekend!!

Everyone welcome whether famous or not!

2007-09-22T11:25:00.000+01:00

As we build for the future by organising 3rd team fixtures, Newark 2nd's captain Shrek, yes that green ugly looking cartoon character, would like to make the point that everyone is welcome to training and don't let the fact that we have several famous players put you off!!

I'm sure Ivan Campo was at training Wednesday night, showing off his skills. Except we couldn't tell for definite as his hair is like a bird's nest on top of his head!

"Robbie" Burns was there, spouting poetry and running around like a headless haggis!

Darren "Sicknote" Anderton was there was too! But it didn't take long for him to pull up with a broken nail or some other insignificant injury!

And lastly David "Beardman" Bellamy, looking out for a rare species not often seen at training called simonous sloanous.

Make sure you come to training to see who else might be there!! Who knows it might be someone famous!!

3rd's push 2nd's all the way!

2007-09-20T22:21:00.000+01:00

After opponents Horncastle pulled out at the last minute, perhaps knowing that they would have to deal with the threat of Shrek on a goal hunt, the 2nds played against an emerging 3rd team.

The 3rds went 1-nil up before Shrek shot past the helpless Willis to bring Newark 2s back into the match.

Matt “Sicknote” Reynolds broke a nail and had to leave the real hockey playing to brother Adam who shot past Willis, powerless to the stop the goal which was that good it actually gained a Man of the Match vote!!

The second half was pretty much even with umpire Paul Halfpenny getting so bored he even started to let Newark 2s players have a rest on the side of the pitch for the rest of the match! The match ended 3-2 to the 2nds with Peter Pan aka Adrian “Ace” Smith scoring the third goal.

A combined Man of the Match vote was awarded, fittingly, to one player from each side with Alex "Where's my map?" Davies and Ace gaining the awarded.

Newark benefit from Mountain Rescue

2007-09-20T22:17:00.000+01:00

On a Duke of Edinburgh expedition, Alex "Where's the map" Davies and Nathan "I thought you had it" Wakelin got back to base 6 hours LATE after getting lost on some mountain somewhere over that way!

The wonderful volunteers of Mountain Rescue were called out to "rescue" them and finally got them home safe. Let's hope that they manage to find the training rooms this weekend!

Hat Trick Hammond hits Belper

2007-09-20T22:11:00.000+01:00

It was all change for team as we started our second friendly without the coach and 5 players from last weeks empathic win.

Luckily we had had Matt Hammond running rings around the Belper defence to score a hat trick. Skipper Shrek scored a PF and open goal.

Simon "David Bellamy" Sloane started his first game of the new season to settle back into his sweeper role and after practicing aerials at training everyone was at it throwing balls all over the pitch!!

Goalie Tim McManus made only three saves all match so we might not need him anymore!

Pre-season off with a bang

2007-09-17T21:28:00.000+01:00

A new coach, new captain and new formation didn’t hinder Newark Men’s 2nd XI as they got off to a flying start against Lincoln winning 8-1.

Man of the match was awarded to John Yearsley who performed wonders up and down the wing. And the move of the match was left to our "energetic" skipper Arran "Shrek" Coggan, who received the ball in his own half and ran half the length of the pitch to shoot under the diving keeper whilst the rest of team stood in amazement that "Shrek" could actually run that far!!