Merry Christmas one and all!

Top of the league at Christmas. If anyone had offered me that at the beginning of the season I would have snapped their hands off. It's a great place to be and we've got the opportunity to still be there at the end of the season.

From captain and coach, we hope that you all have a fabulous Christmas and New Year. Keep safe and well. Training restarts 2nd january 2008 (weather dependent!!) and the first league match is 12th Jan, hopefully we'll have a match on 5th Jan.

Jason - don't have too many mince pies!!

Dunkirk spirit & Bungle the Bear

Bungle the Bear wasn't pitch side unfortunately...but he did manage to make an appearance at the Club's Christmas party supping some girlie drink - as can be seen by the photo.

He was overheard regaling Alex with his exploits and Alex was so overwhelmed he became all blury!

Looks like we have another sicknote. Ben was seen dancing on the dance floor (where else?!) and I'm sure he spent much of the game hobbling up and down the side line screaming like a girl...with Alex!

PIVOT!!!

The match report will be up soon (apologies to all those desperate to read it!). In the meantime, have a look at Derby Asterdale's website and the match report. Nice to read someone else's take on the match which isn't too biased -

http://derbyasterdalehc.forumotion.com/match-reports-f1/mens-2nds-v-newark-t51.htm

The spirit to come back from 3-nil down was pretty amazing. I personally didn't like playing, just couldn't get in to it, but thankfully there were 13 other players that did. The spirit split over a bit (Mr Wilson!) but that's not a bad thing (I'd be saying something different if we had conceded whilst down to 10 men, I'm sure!) and that spirit helped us rob Asterdale of all 3 points, and to be fair a decent result considering.

Disturbing!

Don't forget to read the post below, which is the email from the Parking Attendant. Robin has submitted a claim for his fines refunded...small problem we already spent them bowling on Saturday!!

Talking of which, Saturday was a good night and thanks for everyone turning up to celebrate being top of the table at the halfway point. The only problem is this photo....which Jazz Hands sent me as I walking home. I immediately turned around and headed towards Jon's house!!

An apology from the Grantham umpire

A very rare occurrence but this email was received through Susan Tate. I think Gavin is Paul and obviously Scott did more than we thought he did to get his name remembered!!

Hi Susan,

My name is Kevin Martin and I umpired Newark Men's 2 nd X1 against Grantham 2nds yesterday.

Could I ask you to pass on my apologies to I think the player called Gavin who plays for the 2nds. There was some dispute during the match about myself not awarding a goal (albeit an own goal) to Newark. I actually green carded the player for the strength of his protest!

Having re read the rules I admit the goal should have stood, as the final score was 6-0 to Newark it is not so bad. That said I did say after the match I would apologise if I was wrong, so please pass on this message to Gavin (and the 2nds captain on the day (Scott).

I am trying to find out when they changed the rule to allow 'own goals' when there had not been an 'attempt' on goal even though an attacker touched the ball inside the d.

regards and thanks

Kevin Martin

Team Selection

We had a masive headache this week at training - 17 quality players to select from and only 12 players needed. So we had to choose those players that had come to training. Harsh but something we've tried to stick to all season.

Next week we play Derby Asterdale and we need to ensure that everyone makes a big effort to come to training and then we can select the best team possible.

A few notices!

JASON - Jason has a rash, if any one can help please see him directly.

BOWLING - This Saturday (8th Dec) from 8pm. A chance to let off some steam on the bowling alley and spend those fines!! Those that have paid more have more shots. Those players that have paid less fines will have to sit and watch the rest of us play. I knew there was a reason to keep getting fined heavily!! ;)

CLUB XMAS PARTY - Sat 15th from 7.30pm. Tickets available from your illustrious Captain. £7.50 adults £5.00 juniors. Karaoke, food, disco and lots of fun!!

Derby Asterdale drew 1-1 with Leicester Uni at the weekend. DA are obviously a very different team to that which we beat 9-2 at the beginning of the season. They have done really well and we'll have to be on top of our game to get the result we want.

Coach in Shock Rumour!

Our coach Sally Davies was spending a weekend in Rome. It's a pity she was away from her partner considering Rome is known as the City of Love.

However, it transpires that Davies wasn't alone in the city of Jason "Come on NEWARK!!" Feehily was also in Rome.

Rumurs abound and when confronted over text message Feehily had this to say "I'll let her know when she gets out of the shower".

The second team is in shock over these wild rumours, they can not believe that Davies could stoop so low!! At least Feehily is guaranteed a starting place next week.

Team Play

Don't worry the title of "Team Play" doesn't mean having a shower with 'Jazz Hands' Yearsley!

We've always said from the beginning of the season that as long as the team plays well and...like a team...it doesn't matter about the result. The team play, calling, passing and running for each other is getting better and better each week.

We've still lost only one league game and are still in the hunt for promotion. The bottom three teams now await us in out next three games....so plenty of opportunity to wipe this weeks defeat from out minds.

Joshua 10:25

And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies against whom ye fight.

I'm not a particularly religious person but this quote is relevant this week. Top of the table clash this week and we're the team on top. We're the ones in the stronger position. WE are the team to beat.

Plus with Jazz Hands passing the ball in the opposite direction to which everyone keeps asking it for, then at the very least we'll just confuse our opposition!!

Badgers spread TB...and score goals!

According to the government's chief scientific adviser, badgers should be culled to stop the spread of bovine TB. Well not ours!!

The only thing our badger spread was the ball and Worksop's defence!

So we remain at the top of the table, despite Soar Valley's withdrawal from the league, and despite our failings when it comes to directions. The next away match is Leicester Uni and I got lost going there last year. It's a good job I might be away that weekend!

PS I knew I shouldn't have had that pizza last night. The cheese must have influenced my dreams cause at one stage I was driving down the motorway and a badger (one of the black and white ones!) raised his paw and said 'hello'.

Sausages, A Hat Trick & Lurch

We tried to cheat this week by having two goalkeepers...but they ended up not in the same goal. Which was a shame but possibly a good way to keep the goal difference in the positive!!

Our FORMER captain Knoxy has been offering his deep-fried sausage to another team mate's wife!! Luckily she declined, otherwise the THIRD Knox offspring might have been on its way!

The Sloan Machine was in full action at the weekend but he couldn't gain a third MoM award. Instead it was left to three goal hero Martin...no Martyn....Knox, who put in a FORMER captain's performance.

We have another celebrity in the team...Lurch from The Adamms Family turned up on Saturday and lurched around the pitch. And then put in another game for the 3s too!

Oh by the way Matt R...YES you were sh*t! Oh by the way again, Leeds won and are now ABOVE Forest and in a play-off spot!

What a fine motley crew we are eh??

The fairytale ends for some....but the Mighty 2s roll on

Lewis Hamilton's fairytale season came to end, he was sooooo close. The old farts...I mean the England rugby team's fairytale also finally came. It was a brave effort....and DEFINITELY a try, Mr Fourth Official!

Talking of dodgy officiating...hhmmmm maybe we shouldn't. Let's just leave it as dodgy and at least our 5 goals outweighed the efforts of their "twelfth man".

The Mighty 2s continue to roll on. We have to keep the pressure on the teams at the top of the table and 4 wins from 4, we can't ask for anymore than that!

Now can someone PLEASE tell me how to get out of Corby, I'm still here driving around with Jason in the back seat and he's starting to get hungry!!!!!

Plastic or grass

Your illustrious captain started playing hockey when he was 13 years old. It was on grass and we played the 2-3-5 formation (that's 5 upfront!!) and there was even offside. OFFSIDE? I hear you say. Yes that's right, you were offside in a similiar way to offside in football but only in the opposition's 22.

And the green stuff we played on was called grass. Sometimes very muddy and always very bouncy! Nowadays we play on the artificial stuff and the game of hockey has adapted very well to it.

So if a bunch of blokes that come together, pay for the privelege and have a lot of fun and win games, I'm pretty sure that 11 overpaid nancy boys can do it too. They have ALL played on artificial pitches before as practically all the top clubs have one of these new generation pitches that look like grass, feel like grass but are plastic.

Let's hope we have a bit more faith in ourselves to win away on a plastic pitch than England did on Wednesday night!!

Only two things are certain in life...taxes and Death!

Did you see Death on the pitches last week?

At least I think it was Death. He was a large bloke, but he was all dressed in white which was confusing. He was running up and down the pitch shouting "Come on Newark!!" which was also confusing.

But in my eyes it must have been Death as he had a large scythe and was cutting down anything in his path.......sticks, legs and green cards!!

Proud to be English!!

What a great weekend of sport it was!! And it all started thanks to the Mighty 2s!

Following our victory, secret footage of our victory over Ashby was rushed over to the England Rugby camp and look what happened! It was then emailed over to the cricket team in Sri Lanka, and Nottinghamshire star Graeme Swann took heart from Craig "Mop Head" Barnfield's man of the match performance and took 4-34 and hit 25 runs to set England up for victory.

THEN Amir Khan watched it and won in the 4th round, James Toseland saw it before winning the World Superbike championship and Nick Matthew produced a devastating display to win the final of the US Squash Open!!

AND all because...........the lady loves milk tray....sorry I mean all because they took inspiration from our stirling performance on Saturady. Well done!!

Coach of the Month

Leeds United's manager Dennis "Nookie Bear" Wise has won Manager of the Month for the second successive time. I think we should make up our own award - Coach of the Month. Nominations are Sally Davies. And the winner of September's Coach of the Month goes to....... (wait for it) .................... (is the suspense killing you yet?) ........................................ Sally "I change the colour of my hair weekly" Davies.

5 games & 4 wins with 25 goals scored & 7 conceded. Not bad at all and a great start to the season. Well done chaps and long may it continue.

And for those of you interested Leeds have played 9, won 8 and drawn 1 scoring 18 goals and only conceding 4. Long may it continue also!! Marching on together.......And rightfully should be 6 points clear at the top of the table!

PS We're top of the table too!!

9 of the best!

What an all round team performance yesterday!! The unselfishness of players to pass the ball around rather than going for the glory was a pleasing sight.

Depending on what side of the fence you sit on, Jason "Come on NEWARK!" Feehily should be fined or rewarded for nearly taking Shrek's head off whilst allegedly shooting at goal!!

Martyn "I think I'm still Captain" Knox didn't know where he was playing for the first 10 minutes and obviously thought centre-back was new position between the midfielders and the strikers! THEN tried to start a drum roll for the man of the match votes...someone still thinks he's in charge!

The other positive notes are Jazz Hands turning into Sloan Machine No.2 and Sicknote....actually lasting the full game and then making up the numbers for the 3rd team and playing another FULL GAME!! Pass me the oxygen, I can't breathe!

And finally it would be wrong of me not to mention the gentle green giant Shrek running around and SCORING A HAT TRICK!! 3 goals, count them...one...two...three!! But the second one was out of this world, luckily there weren't any dodgy Russian linemen around!

Jazz Hands the only bright spot!

Beeston youngsters ran up a 2-nil win over Newark 2s as Shrek aka The Hulk turned green with anger after some dodgy umpiring from the Treasurer! This strange call for a 5 minute break for our illustrious leader came even though his subs are all paid up!!

It was a secret ploy to make the team work harder with only 10 men and get used to the fact that it will happen every other week!!

The only bright spot, despite being late, was John "Jazz Hands" Yearsley who bightened up the day with...wait for it....his jazz hands. Which earnt him several fines!

League matches start next weekend!!

Everyone welcome whether famous or not!

As we build for the future by organising 3rd team fixtures, Newark 2nd's captain Shrek, yes that green ugly looking cartoon character, would like to make the point that everyone is welcome to training and don't let the fact that we have several famous players put you off!!

I'm sure Ivan Campo was at training Wednesday night, showing off his skills. Except we couldn't tell for definite as his hair is like a bird's nest on top of his head!

"Robbie" Burns was there, spouting poetry and running around like a headless haggis!

Darren "Sicknote" Anderton was there was too! But it didn't take long for him to pull up with a broken nail or some other insignificant injury!

And lastly David "Beardman" Bellamy, looking out for a rare species not often seen at training called simonous sloanous.

Make sure you come to training to see who else might be there!! Who knows it might be someone famous!!

3rd's push 2nd's all the way!

After opponents Horncastle pulled out at the last minute, perhaps knowing that they would have to deal with the threat of Shrek on a goal hunt, the 2nds played against an emerging 3rd team.

The 3rds went 1-nil up before Shrek shot past the helpless Willis to bring Newark 2s back into the match.

Matt “Sicknote” Reynolds broke a nail and had to leave the real hockey playing to brother Adam who shot past Willis, powerless to the stop the goal which was that good it actually gained a Man of the Match vote!!

The second half was pretty much even with umpire Paul Halfpenny getting so bored he even started to let Newark 2s players have a rest on the side of the pitch for the rest of the match! The match ended 3-2 to the 2nds with Peter Pan aka Adrian “Ace” Smith scoring the third goal.

A combined Man of the Match vote was awarded, fittingly, to one player from each side with Alex "Where's my map?" Davies and Ace gaining the awarded.

Newark benefit from Mountain Rescue

On a Duke of Edinburgh expedition, Alex "Where's the map" Davies and Nathan "I thought you had it" Wakelin got back to base 6 hours LATE after getting lost on some mountain somewhere over that way!

The wonderful volunteers of Mountain Rescue were called out to "rescue" them and finally got them home safe. Let's hope that they manage to find the training rooms this weekend!

Hat Trick Hammond hits Belper

It was all change for team as we started our second friendly without the coach and 5 players from last weeks empathic win.

Luckily we had had Matt Hammond running rings around the Belper defence to score a hat trick. Skipper Shrek scored a PF and open goal.

Simon "David Bellamy" Sloane started his first game of the new season to settle back into his sweeper role and after practicing aerials at training everyone was at it throwing balls all over the pitch!!

Goalie Tim McManus made only three saves all match so we might not need him anymore!

Pre-season off with a bang

A new coach, new captain and new formation didn’t hinder Newark Men’s 2nd XI as they got off to a flying start against Lincoln winning 8-1.

Man of the match was awarded to John Yearsley who performed wonders up and down the wing. And the move of the match was left to our "energetic" skipper Arran "Shrek" Coggan, who received the ball in his own half and ran half the length of the pitch to shoot under the diving keeper whilst the rest of team stood in amazement that "Shrek" could actually run that far!!