Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all

Sponge Bob for Club Captain

The results for this weeks poll are in. The new men's club captain is

44%
33%
11%

Simon Sloan 11%

However due to the Newark Hockey Club random reality test it was found that all but one of the candidates ARE NOT REAL ! So by default with 100% of the votes the new club captain is Simon Sloan.

Half Term Report

Well Christmas is coming and undoubtedly the Hockey player will be getting fat, so its a good job we have had a good first half to the season. (This however does not mean we should get complacent come the second half).

The final game before the Christmas break saw a fantastic performance Vs Boots. Before the start of the game Newark where expecting chances to be few a far between, this however turned out not to be the case. Come the final whistle Newark ended up slightly disappointed only to get a point out of the team who where lying in second place. Newark dominated most of the game with a host of chances and where by far the better team on the day. In review a very impressive performance which reflected the season so far (Lets keep it up).

Some stats from the first half of the season

Goals Scored (In League): 21
Goals Against: 20

Top Goal Scorer: with 7
Number of romantic breaks to Rome: 0
Number of times Sally has Shouted Pivot: (Not Enough)
Total Number of players used: 26 (Including Friendlies)
Biggest Win (League): 4-1 Vs Derby Asterdale
Biggest Win (Friendly) 7-1 Vs Coalville
Player who has been fined the most: Alex (£21.62)
Number of new members born this season: 1 (Congratulations to the Littlewood's)
Number of Thai brides: 1
Highest Bowling Score: Simon Sloan 153

Reliant Robbin

Newark had to rely on a goal from Lowth 5 minuets from the end to secure all 3 points, in a game they should of easily won but made a bit of a meal of.

The first half is best forgotten but after Coach Sally Pivot Davies unleashed her pent up anger at halftime and stand in captain Lowth started his team talk before the half time whistle was even blown, Newark began to play the kind of hockey they are good at. It took a matter of seconds for them to restore parity with a well worked goal finished of by now debt free Alex Davies (Lucky for Sally the club didn't have to send the heavies round for payment). The winner from Lowth came close to the end much to the relief of the captain and coach alike.

Final Score 3:2

Goals From:
Sam 1
Alex 1
1

Pressure on Boy Wounder to bag more goals

The results are in and the player most likely to score the most goals during the season is................................................

35%

Nathan 21%
Adam 14%

Simon 14% (Voted for yourself twice i see Simon)

Matt 14%

This ones for Arran

I would like to apologise for my no show on Saturday and missing Newark's spanking of Derby but i was busy helping Histion FC in there preparation for there clash with dirty Leeds sorry mighty Leeds. I take full credit for there performance and just wanted to add Leeds are rubbish.

(If Arran reads this, the comments above are that of Bungle and are in no way linked to the views of present captain Craig, however Craig did say it made him smile to picture Arran sat watching the game in a pub on a big screen crying into his pint or creme-de-month or whatever he drinks now days, finally realising the conference is calling.)

The Zippy Diary

Well Bungle was left crying into his pukka pie after Newark easily saw off Derby Asterdale on Saturday. Bungle unfortunately was not around to see Newark all but wrap the game up by half time. Derby did create a lot of chances but where wasteful to say the least and the game finished 4:1 in Newark's favour


Goals for Newark came form:
Matt 2
Steve 1
Robbin 1

In other news:

The two umpires from the match have been asked to umpire upcoming internationals (or perhaps not)

Alex has had to re-mortgage his mums house to pay of his fines

for letting in a goal Newark keeper Brian has had his left index finger removed with a rusty razor

Newark may need ice skates this Saturday as freezing temperatures and snow are predicted for Newark's penultimate match before the Christmas break.

And

Unfortunately Matt wont be available for Newark's forthcoming match against Derwent as his Thia bride Ting Ting is whisking him off to the ballet, opera or High School Musical (well something like that)

And The Winner is...................?

The Winner of the biggest legened Award goes to

With 56% of the Votes

Martin 25%

Simon 12%

Steve 6%

Appologies From Bungle

"Bungle here, unfortunately due to my association with our next opponents i will be unable to comment on the forthcoming match. I will be handing over to my good friend Zippy".

Important information about Zippy

Born 1972 Age: 36

What does he know about hockey? Nothing

Friends:

George (The gay one)

Bungle (The tall fat one)

Zippy has just come out of rehab where he was being treated for a serious crack addiction, those long hours on the set of rainbow really took it out of him.

After being sued by Sheikh Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa, strapped for cash Michael Jackson is rumoured to be lining up Zippy to duet on his next album, however Zippy is denying the story saying he is committed to the Men's 2's for at least the next week but after that it is a possibility.

Newark Get Early Christmas Present

You could have easily made the mistake of thinking South Notts had Father Christmas at the heart of their defence as their Center back seemed intent on showering Newark with gifts. Gifts which Newark took full advantage of. A 3:1 Victory with a goal from Adam Reynolds and two from Nathan Wakeland. A result that was well deserved, due to a fantastic all round display.


And Alex you now owe £13 pounds in fines!

Good Showing at Sports Awards

Newark HC was well represented at the 2008 Newark and Sherwood Sports Review.

Congratulations go to Newark Hockey Club Otters and Beavers under-13 girls team who were crowned Junior Sports team of the year after there victory in the county championships.

The Senior Team of the year saw the mighty men's 2's come up against the ladies 2's and a bunch of fat men who like to play with there misshapen balls (Newark Rugby Club Men's 1st XV). Unfortunately the fat men won but fantastic to see 2 teams from Newark HC in contention.

Boy Wounder leads Goals list

After 6 Competitive Matches The Top Goal Scorers are:

1st

2nd Steve

3rd Martin, Matt H, Gregg, Hendrie, Sam, Nathan

MORE GOALS NEEDED !!!

Newark Silence Roaring Lions

Lets see how many Lion puns i can get into this.

Saturday 8th November saw the visit of Northampton Lions to the zoo that is the Magnus Sports Center. Northampton got off to a roaring start overwhelming there pray who started the match like wounded gazelle. This led to a 3:1 lead going into the break. With Craig away on his How to add up using a calculator course. The half time team talk was left to the far more inspirational Lowth the result saw Newark produce the Lion hearted spirit that they lacked in the first half and like Richard I on one of his crusade Newark clawed through the oppositions defence to bring the math back to 3:3, leaving Northampton licking their wounds.

The goals came from stand in captain Robbin Lowth, Sam Smith and Matt 'Bangkok chick boy' Hammond who was also named man of the match. "I hear Matt has dedicated his performance to the crack team of lawyers the club paid to get him released from a Thia prison that he had found himself incarcerated in after what can only be described as unknown misdemeanors while on holiday. All i know is it involved straws a bucket and a rather well endowed blond girl (or at least that's what he thought).

THE SEASON SO FAR

On my return to Newark i was shocked to see that our mighty captain Arran had morphed from a short "big boned" (That means fat) fella to a blond haired lanky Edwin Van Der Saar looking character. I was relieved to hear that the club had not wasted all its money on cosmetic surgery but Arran had in fact decided to pass the mantel on to Craig. Craig's reign started well and with the captains arm band came Craig's first goal for Newark in 6 years scoring the first of 7 goals in a annihilation of Coalvile. The remaining friendlies saw Newark keep up last seasons good form with wins against Belper and Loughborough Town and a draw against North Notts, despite one of the North Notts Players taking exception to our new captain and trying to decapitate his left leg.

The first competitive game was against Kettering in the cup. With 5 minuets to go it looked bleak for Newark trailing 1-0 until Gregg Wines cracked home the equaliser from the top of the D to force the game into golden goal extra time (He may be rubbish at getting umpires but he can play hockey). Extra time only lasted 2 minuets as the caped crusaders sidekick stepped up to strike home a short corner. This delighted Newark mainly because it saw the Kettering captain burst into a flood of tears (boo who, cry me a river).

After the excitement of the cup came the eagerly awaited first league match. Sally(Pivot)Davies gave an inspirational team talk(blah blah blah PIVOT blah blah blah PIVOT blah blah blah) and the game began at a fast pace. While batman was away Simon Sloan and teamed up to score a fantastic goal to open the scoring. Both teams played hard but unfortunately after Craig got a blow to the head and had to come off (Little Pansy). The game ended in a 2-2 draw.

The following weeks saw back to back victories against Kettering (No tears this time, shame) and Leicester Westleigh. The only blot on the season so far is a 4-0 defeat to Nuneaton and a close contests against West Bridgford in the cup second round (best not divulge the score on that one).

Well that's it for now more next week.

BUNGLE IS BACK

BUNGLE IS BACK

Im back! Firstly I would like to apologise for the lack of activity on the blog over these last few months I has been very busy running Barack Obama's Presidential campaign. Now that it is all over I can return to the far more important matter of reporting on the Mighty Men's 2nd's.

Pre Season News

Captaincy
After much debate I have decided to step down as captain and will also not be playing full-time for this season. The main reason is that I want to spend more time with my little girl who is growing up too fast and I'm missing out. Craig has indicated that he might be willing to take on the captaincy but in true democracy style, the position is open to anyone and nominations are required. Glynn will want to speak to the team on Wednesday night to try and sort out as soon as possible.

Registration
Registration takes place on Wed, 3rd September, as follows:- Men 7.00-8.30pm- Ladies 8.30pm-10.00pm. Forms were distributed at training on Wed 27th Aug, or a blank form can be downloaded from the 'Club' page.

Sponsorship Appeal
Jason is running a marathon on 7th September to raise money for the child victims of the Sichuan earthquake. If you want to donate please contact Jason.

Pre Season is upon us!

Summer Training
7.30pm - 9.30pm, 4th June and 11th June.
7.00pm - 9.00pm, 18th June – 6th August
Cost: £5 adults, £3 juniors
Sessions consist of one hour of fitness with Gary West, followed by one hour of friendly mixed hockey.
Winter training commences 13th August, 7.00 – 8.30pm Ladies, 8.30pm – 10.00pm Men.

Tournaments
Please see the Competitions page on the website for details and contact Matt Orridge if you are interested in playing. Please also let Matt know if you are willing to help with organisation or refreshments at the Newark Hockey Club tournament on the 14th June.

www.newarkhockeyclub.co.uk

Champions & a baby!

Well we did it. We are champions. Well played and well deserved. It has been a fine season and we have all worked our hardest to play for each other and the camadrie has been fantastic on and off the field.

And to add to the celebrations Mr & Mrs Martyn Knox have welcomed their daughter into the world today. Mother and baby are doing well. I would like to pass on the teams best wishes to the Knox family and thank Mrs Knox for holding in the baby until AFTER the final game!!!

Keep watching the blog later in the wek for a special review of the season and a review of each player by yours truly!!

Promoted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry guys. It's been too long since the last post.

So...we've been promoted. Not bad record and everyone involved should pat themselves on the back. Hockey is a team game and we've played it as a team rather than individuals. But the season isn't over. One more push for the championship and then let the celebrations begin!

I think everyone needs to bring lots of money for the final game as the bar has been set for fines! Once again one more push and we'll be having the end of season party in Monaco. And don't forget that we're having a few sherberts on Saturday afternoon/evening.

Also don't forget to bring £25 for the end of the season party on 26th April. See Craig for tickets. That date is also the AGM and the intra-club mixed 7-aside tournament.

Stiffen those sinews!

So despite the skeptisim the Shakespeare inspired rallying call worked! And although Mr Hammond's response was "It's just another game!", I got a better response from Mr Lowth "Whetting thy trusty blade as we speak my liege". That's the spirit!

3-2 over the students! It was a fantastic game, end to end with chances here and there and ww all worked together to make it happen and the energy was there even though the team had 2 games last weekend and no training this week!

So...we are at the sharp end of the season. On paper we have an easier run in but all three teams won't care about that. We still need to come training and need to work hard to ensure we take the spoils of war!

Oh and Scott. Listen more carefully next time!

Top of the Table Clash

Well done boys you got all 6 points from two away trips to Derbyshire. Nothing less than the team deserves. Now all that remains is a top of the table clash with Leicester Uni next week.

The title is there to be to won. Leic Uni have us, Grantam, Derby Asterdale and Ashby the final games whilst we, after Leic Uni have Ramgarhia Rolls Royce and Grantham.

Fat Fingers

Someone somewhere obviously has fingers too big for the keyboard. The result for Leic Uni v Ramgarhia has been switched, it was a 6-1 win to Leic Uni NOT the other way around. We thought it was too good to be true!!

Good luck on Sat & Sun boys, I'm with you in spirit.

Quality Depth

A great TEAM performance yesterday. Alex and Danny came in and played well and Sally was right when she said that we focused too much on players that were missing and not enough on the quality depth that the club has.

2 games this weekend coming so we need as many players available as possible, so it makes sense that I book a trip to see friends down London way!! SO unfortunately Scott will be in charge and I'll no doubt be suitably fined for that on my return!!

A good debut for Littewood and he could have scored but thanks to Jon he didn't. We can't be seem to let players come into the team and score goals in their first game. Next we'll be letting players get and stay in the team just because the coach is their lover/partner/mother!!!

Back to the Hockey!

It's been a while since the last post but it's time to concentrate on the hockey! A break week for Soar Valley's withdrawal and we get back into the swing of things.

Last match people were asking about the number of goals scored and the scorers, so see below for a quick update. Hopefully we can add a few more at the weekend!

Comment from Andy Taylor

This comment below was made on the post below. Rather than hiding it there, I thought I would give everyone a chance to read it, out in the open. The comments made in this blog, as stated on the club's website, are an individual's (yes me fatty Coggan), and not indicative of the club's stance.

"Evening from Bungle the Bear – Andy Taylor - No hiding my identity like others!

So yes as you can see I chose not to go to the Christmas Party - it made it much easier for others to make their snide and cowardly comments with myself not being around, although to publish them is a little embarrassing for all concerned including and especially the club and the originator.

I did ask for these unfounded and pathetic comments to be removed, but with the deadline now past for my request I am posting this response as I promised.

So I was only good for carrying water bottles etc hey hmmmmm lets look at that 1st shall we.

Unlike others (possibly the originator in particular) I have a more than proven track record in this sport with League titles and trophies in abundance, at a conservative estimate around 20-25 at all levels of the sport, even being asked to become National League Manager (3 years) and becoming Honarary Life Vice President of 2 clubs, but I am sure that fades into insignificance alongside the achievements of those who choose to comment on me?

I’m off screwing up another team too apparently, lets look at that.

So far after coaching and managing the Ladies and Mens 1st XI’s of my new club lets see what we have achieved since my arrival. Not all down to me but my influence is being felt in the improved results all round.

In total: PLD 12 Won 11 Drawn 0 Lost 1 F:49 A:7

Mens 1st XI 2nd in East Midlands 2 League
Ladies Top of Derbyshire League both indoor and out.

Maybe your judgment is correct, looks like the record of an absolute screw-up, you are obviously a good judge of ability.

The short term memory of certain individuals is very convenient for them. I am sure that from joining Newark 2 seasons ago the club has gone backwards hasn’t it? No new quality players attracted - well maybe 5 or 6!No new coaches - well perhaps 3 or 4.

No team development – oh except the introduction of a Mens 3rd XI

The club is obviously in its worst state for years – or perhaps not!

My heart and sole went into this club for 2 years promoting it in a way that no-one has done before. If this is the opinion of the membership then perhaps I made the correct decision to leave, but I do understand that there are still a large core that think otherwise and I thank them for their support and understanding.

Hockey has been a major part of my life for over 30 years and it now feels wonderful to be enjoying it once again.

I wish the club all the Best for the rest of this season and assure you I will be seeing you all soon.

Andy Taylor"

Rainbow

Well thanks to the forfeit last night a rainbow shone over the pitch last night and in darkness aswell. I think it was made by the sun shining out of Robbie's a*se as his white cheeks wobbled across the pitch and the light bouncing off mine, Martyn's and Matt's heads!!

We had a loud mouthed Zippy, a pink gay-acting George and I'm pretty sure Rod, Jane and Freddy were training down the bottom end singing away. The only person missing was Bungle!