THE SEASON SO FAR

On my return to Newark i was shocked to see that our mighty captain Arran had morphed from a short "big boned" (That means fat) fella to a blond haired lanky Edwin Van Der Saar looking character. I was relieved to hear that the club had not wasted all its money on cosmetic surgery but Arran had in fact decided to pass the mantel on to Craig. Craig's reign started well and with the captains arm band came Craig's first goal for Newark in 6 years scoring the first of 7 goals in a annihilation of Coalvile. The remaining friendlies saw Newark keep up last seasons good form with wins against Belper and Loughborough Town and a draw against North Notts, despite one of the North Notts Players taking exception to our new captain and trying to decapitate his left leg.

The first competitive game was against Kettering in the cup. With 5 minuets to go it looked bleak for Newark trailing 1-0 until Gregg Wines cracked home the equaliser from the top of the D to force the game into golden goal extra time (He may be rubbish at getting umpires but he can play hockey). Extra time only lasted 2 minuets as the caped crusaders sidekick stepped up to strike home a short corner. This delighted Newark mainly because it saw the Kettering captain burst into a flood of tears (boo who, cry me a river).

After the excitement of the cup came the eagerly awaited first league match. Sally(Pivot)Davies gave an inspirational team talk(blah blah blah PIVOT blah blah blah PIVOT blah blah blah) and the game began at a fast pace. While batman was away Simon Sloan and teamed up to score a fantastic goal to open the scoring. Both teams played hard but unfortunately after Craig got a blow to the head and had to come off (Little Pansy). The game ended in a 2-2 draw.

The following weeks saw back to back victories against Kettering (No tears this time, shame) and Leicester Westleigh. The only blot on the season so far is a 4-0 defeat to Nuneaton and a close contests against West Bridgford in the cup second round (best not divulge the score on that one).

Well that's it for now more next week.