Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all

Sponge Bob for Club Captain

The results for this weeks poll are in. The new men's club captain is

44%
33%
11%

Simon Sloan 11%

However due to the Newark Hockey Club random reality test it was found that all but one of the candidates ARE NOT REAL ! So by default with 100% of the votes the new club captain is Simon Sloan.

Half Term Report

Well Christmas is coming and undoubtedly the Hockey player will be getting fat, so its a good job we have had a good first half to the season. (This however does not mean we should get complacent come the second half).

The final game before the Christmas break saw a fantastic performance Vs Boots. Before the start of the game Newark where expecting chances to be few a far between, this however turned out not to be the case. Come the final whistle Newark ended up slightly disappointed only to get a point out of the team who where lying in second place. Newark dominated most of the game with a host of chances and where by far the better team on the day. In review a very impressive performance which reflected the season so far (Lets keep it up).

Some stats from the first half of the season

Goals Scored (In League): 21
Goals Against: 20

Top Goal Scorer: with 7
Number of romantic breaks to Rome: 0
Number of times Sally has Shouted Pivot: (Not Enough)
Total Number of players used: 26 (Including Friendlies)
Biggest Win (League): 4-1 Vs Derby Asterdale
Biggest Win (Friendly) 7-1 Vs Coalville
Player who has been fined the most: Alex (£21.62)
Number of new members born this season: 1 (Congratulations to the Littlewood's)
Number of Thai brides: 1
Highest Bowling Score: Simon Sloan 153

Reliant Robbin

Newark had to rely on a goal from Lowth 5 minuets from the end to secure all 3 points, in a game they should of easily won but made a bit of a meal of.

The first half is best forgotten but after Coach Sally Pivot Davies unleashed her pent up anger at halftime and stand in captain Lowth started his team talk before the half time whistle was even blown, Newark began to play the kind of hockey they are good at. It took a matter of seconds for them to restore parity with a well worked goal finished of by now debt free Alex Davies (Lucky for Sally the club didn't have to send the heavies round for payment). The winner from Lowth came close to the end much to the relief of the captain and coach alike.

Final Score 3:2

Goals From:
Sam 1
Alex 1
1

Pressure on Boy Wounder to bag more goals

The results are in and the player most likely to score the most goals during the season is................................................

35%

Nathan 21%
Adam 14%

Simon 14% (Voted for yourself twice i see Simon)

Matt 14%

This ones for Arran

I would like to apologise for my no show on Saturday and missing Newark's spanking of Derby but i was busy helping Histion FC in there preparation for there clash with dirty Leeds sorry mighty Leeds. I take full credit for there performance and just wanted to add Leeds are rubbish.

(If Arran reads this, the comments above are that of Bungle and are in no way linked to the views of present captain Craig, however Craig did say it made him smile to picture Arran sat watching the game in a pub on a big screen crying into his pint or creme-de-month or whatever he drinks now days, finally realising the conference is calling.)

The Zippy Diary

Well Bungle was left crying into his pukka pie after Newark easily saw off Derby Asterdale on Saturday. Bungle unfortunately was not around to see Newark all but wrap the game up by half time. Derby did create a lot of chances but where wasteful to say the least and the game finished 4:1 in Newark's favour


Goals for Newark came form:
Matt 2
Steve 1
Robbin 1

In other news:

The two umpires from the match have been asked to umpire upcoming internationals (or perhaps not)

Alex has had to re-mortgage his mums house to pay of his fines

for letting in a goal Newark keeper Brian has had his left index finger removed with a rusty razor

Newark may need ice skates this Saturday as freezing temperatures and snow are predicted for Newark's penultimate match before the Christmas break.

And

Unfortunately Matt wont be available for Newark's forthcoming match against Derwent as his Thia bride Ting Ting is whisking him off to the ballet, opera or High School Musical (well something like that)